I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
