The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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