it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
