I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
