New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
