i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
