I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
