I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
