Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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