guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
and i looked up. we had an audience...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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