I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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