we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize