tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
