I wish life had little blips of pornography
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
