listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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