I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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