I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
