I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
