I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
