cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
