Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
