dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
