Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
