Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
