i just wanna soil my oats bro
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
