happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
