'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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