That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
