he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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