i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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