i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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