You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
