also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
