I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
