I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
