She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize