I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
