Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
