I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
