just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
