I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
