dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
