xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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