What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize