Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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