Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You have to summon your inner elephant
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
