I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize