so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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