dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Come see our sink grown plant.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
