I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
