i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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