Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
