I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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