my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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