So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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