somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
