I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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