If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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