Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
