Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
