ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
