so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
