I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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