I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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