if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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